The Hairdryer Killer
by chimp1984
Summary: A total AU spoof. This is what you get when you mix a Welsh duck, a Canadian chimp and a British darts lover. Includes: FEMLASH CAT FIGHTS CHARACTER DEATH! Enjoy!


**_Ok, so here is a totally AU spoof stemming from an MSN conversation I was having with Probie.duck about hairdryer's. I was also chatting to iluvdarts and had her join in on the conversation too. We were having a laugh and joking around, and I decided I would write a story about this odd conversation we were having. So I wrote it. This is supposed to be a funny and somewhat cheesy story, but it's to make you guys laugh! So, put on some Depends diapers, sit back, and enjoy! We hope it makes you laugh!_**

* * *

"Oh come on! Why did you turn off?!" Probie.duck yells at the hairdryer 

"Because I told it that if you make it work too hard then to shut off" replies chimp1984

"Well, make it work!"

"Can't. If it doesn't want to work, then I can't force it to work"

"Fuck you, chimp! Make it work!"

"I killed it. I'm the hair dryer killer. MUAH HA HA HA!"

"That's it! I'm calling CSI!" Probie.duck says, throwing the hairdryer down

"Great! Sara and Catherine! DAMN!" replies chimp1984, with a smile on her face

* * *

_**7 hours later:**_

"_Oi! Catherine and Sara have nice asses_!" chimp1984 muses to herself

"Have you taken the pictures and dusted for prints?" Catherine asks Sara

"Hmm?" Sara replies

"Whoa! Earth to Sara! Where were you?"

"Oh, just thinking about chimp1984. Do you think she's hot?" Sara asks

"Yes! Damn! Hey! Wait! You think she's hot too?" Catherine's eyes go wide

"Yeah. I'm gonna go see if she wants to go to dinner tonight with me"

"No! I'm going to! And you know she'll accept a date with me" Catherine says through clenched teeth

"Fine, let's go see"

"Hey, chimp? Chimp?" Sara says

"Oh, hey Sara" chimp1984 says, blushing

"_That's cute. She's blushing for me_" Sara thinks to herself, smiling

"Um, so… I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner with me tonight?" Sara asks

"Uh, sure" chimp1984 smiles and turns ten different shades of red

"Wait!" Catherine says, running up and giving Sara a death glare, pulling her to the side

"Catherine, she already said yes so don't even try"

"Well, I am. I know she'll turn your date down in an instant" Catherine smiles an evil smile, while unbuttoning 4 buttons on her blouse, exposing her black lacy bra and perfect breasts

"You wouldn't!" Sara hissed

"I would, and I am" Catherine says walking over to chimp1984

"_Holy shit! I can see Catherine's… damn!_" chimp1984 thinks to herself

"Chimp" Catherine says seductively "I heard you accepted a date with Sara, is that true?" Catherine says running a hand up and down chimp1984's arm

"Uh huh" chimp1984 replies, eyes wide and trying to swallow from her suddenly dry mouth from staring at Catherine's bra and breasts

"Why would you wanna go out with Sara? I'm much more experienced in that field, you know?" Catherine says, winking

"Oh God" chimp1984 moans at the thought

"How about you cancel that date with Sara and go out with me instead. I promise you'll have a good time…"

"Oooo…. O…" chimp1984 tries saying

"Wait! You bitch! She accepted a date with me first! You can't go flaunting around your sexuality!"

"I'm not flaunting my sexuality, Sara" Catherine says

"Ha! You're kidding, right? You've about made chimp turn into a puddle from blushing too much!" Sara yells

"Well, just because you can't 'flaunt it' and make chimp turn to a puddle, doesn't mean I can't"

"Fine! I can do that! Watch." Sara hissed and turned to chimp1984

"You're gonna choose between me and Catherine" Sara says, before pulling chimp1984 to her and proceeding to kiss chimp1984 senseless

"_Oh, good God… oh! Her tongue… ooooooh… she's very talented with her tongue… oh God…_" chimp1984 says to herself

"So?" Sara says, panting

"You. Definitely you, Sara!" chimp1984 replies smiling

"Hey! You haven't kissed me yet!" Catherine replies, then pushes Sara out of the way and starts to kiss chimp1984

"_Oh Lordie Lordie! Ok, maybe Catherine… more experienced… what is she doing with her… oh damn!" _

"You! Definitely you!" chimp1984 smiles

"That's no fair! Here!" Sara says, grabbing chimp1984 from Catherine and starts to kiss chimp1984, again

"STOP! Don't make me choose between the two of you! You're both hot, and VERY excellent kissers in your own right… but I can't choose between you two! Oh God, help me!" chimp1984 says

"Did somebody call for help?" iluvdarts says appearing behind Catherine and Sara

"ILUVDARTS! Yes! I can't choose between the two of them, help me!"

"Easy, I'll take one off your hands… Catherine, you're mine!"

"Oh, hello there!" Catherine says, looking iluvdarts up and down

"Hey chimp? Wanna make out?" Sara asks, smiling

"Ok!" chimp1984 replies with a huge smile on her face

"I wanna kiss you" Catherine says to iluvdarts

"Then kiss me. My lips are an open invitation to your lips"

Catherine then jumps iluvdarts and starts kissing her

* * *

_**Meanwhile:**_

Probie.duck was watching Sara and Catherine fight over chimp1984 and iluvdarts arrive and gets Catherine, saving chimp1984. Probie.duck was not happy

"Hey! What about me?! I'm the victim here! Can't I even get a hug?! It was my hairdryer that chimp1984 killed! You… you… hairdryer killer chimp1984! You get everyone!"

"Well, not everyone" Probie.duck heard and turned around to see the most sexiest woman, leaning against her door frame

"Sophia?" Probie.duck squeaks out

"Yep. That's me. And no, you're not dreaming" Sophia says, sauntering over to Probie

"Thank God" Probie.duck smiles

"So, I was wondering… how about dinner tonight?" Sophia smiles, chewing on her toothpick

"Uh huh. Sure." Probie.duck smiles again

"May I kiss you?" Sophia asks, throwing her toothpick away and bringing her lips millimeters away from Probie's

"Please do" Probie.duck whispers. Sophia leans in and their lips meet

"Hey! Sophia! I want her!" Wendy comes running in, out of breath

"_Huh? Wendy wants me too? Damn, I'm hot stuff!_" Probie.duck says to herself

Sophia pulls away and puts her hands on Probie.duck's hips and turns her head to Wendy

"First come, first serve" Sophia says

"But I want her!" Wendy says

"Can't. I have her" Sophia glares at Wendy

Then Mandy runs in

"No, Wendy! I want you!"

"Huh?" Wendy turns to Mandy, smiling

"I want you, Wendy. Hell, I love you" Mandy smiles back

"You love me?"

"Uh huh"

"Awwwww…" Wendy says walking up to Mandy and kissing her

So, Sara is making out with chimp1984 up against the wall. Catherine and iluvdarts are making out on a desk. Sophia and Probie.duck are making out on Probie.duck's bed. And Wendy and Mandy are making out in the middle of the room

* * *

"What the hell?!" Grissom says walking in on a room full of girls making out "We have a crime scene to process!"

Sara looks up "We have better things to do then process a scene…" she laughs

"Oh, yeah. Much better things to do" Catherine says smiling

"Yeah, what they said" Sophia chimes in

Wendy and Mandy don't even notice anything as they are too wrapped up in themselves kissing

"Well, that's unacceptable, girls. We have to process the scene. Not make out with the victim, the killer and a darts player"

"Fuck you, Grissom" Sara, Catherine and Sophia say at the same time

"No. If you don't start processing the scene, then I'll be forced to call Hodges here to make uncalled for comments about this!" Grissom threatened

Probie.duck, iluvdarts and chimp1984 look at each other and agree with their eyes on what must be done

"1… 2… 3!" chimp1984 yells

Then Probie.duck and iluvdarts rugby tackle Grissom down to the ground, while chimp1984 grabs a cord and ties Grissom up to a chair

"You can't do this! I'm the supervisor!" Grissom yells

"Uh, we can. And we have" chimp1984 replies "You're gonna die, so there is no more disgusting GSR on the TV screen!"

"WOO HOO!" Sara whoops for joy "I hated Grissom, but I had to act like I was in love with him. EW!" Sara shudders

"You and Grissom?" Catherine and Sophia say at the same time

"Yeah, disgusting! Why else do you think I refused to be there for the filming of the last episode? I did not want that disgusting romance to go on any longer" Sara replies

"Enough talk! Kill him!" Probie.duck says

Probie.duck and chimp1984 goes to the kitchen to get tea and Welsh cakes just for Grissom, while iluvdarts stands guard in front of Grissom

"Here, Grissom" Probie.duck says

"No. I don't want it."

"Well, you're having it!" chimp1984 says angrily

Then she grabs Grissom's hair and pulls his head back

"Swallow!" chimp1984 yells, pouring tea down his throat "Now eat!" she yells, as she stuffs the Welsh cakes down his throat too

* * *

_**5 minutes later:**_

"Uh… guys?" Catherine says, trying to hold back her laughter "What's that between Grissom's legs?"

"EW!" Sara and Sophia say

"Oh, we just pumped the tea full of Viagra and poisoned the Welsh cakes" chimp1984 smiles

And the whole room erupts into laughter

"Let me outta here!" Grissom yells, trying to cover up the result of the Viagra-spiked tea "My heart! I think I'm having a heart attack!" Grissom gasps for air

"Oh, that's what is called 'over-excitement' Grissom" chimp1984 says

"iluvdarts… your turn" Probie.duck smiles

"Wait!" chimp1984 says, then grabs a red marker and draws a big red circle in the middle of Grissom's head. "That's the bull's-eye" she says

Sara, Sophia, Catherine, Wendy and Mandy all stand around, eyes glued on iluvdarts and Grissom with big grins on their faces

"We should get some popcorn" Mandy says

"No time to wait around for popcorn! I wanna see this!" Catherine says

"Go iluvdarts!" everybody roots on

iluvdarts pulls out some darts from behind her ears and throws a dart at Grissom

"OW! That was my dick!" Grissom yells

"Good shot!" Sara laughs

Iluvdarts throws another dart

"OWWWWWW!" Grissom yelps

"Oops" iluvdarts smiles, and she throws another dart and hits Grissom in the middle of the head

"BULLS-EYE!!!" the whole room yells jumping around in joy when they see his body slump in the chair

"What are we gonna do with the body?" Sophia asks

"We'll send the body to Ecklie's office, slip him something and make him think he killed Grissom. Then they'll arrest him and he'll go to prison forever!" iluvdarts says

"YEAH! NO MORE ECKLIE!" Sara whoops for joy, jumping around the room then turns to chimp1984 and kisses her because she's so happy

Catherine kisses iluvdarts

"Thank you. You are smart. I bet you're good hitting the bulls-eye with everything else" Catherine says seductively and winks

"Oh yeah! We can try it out sometime" iluvdarts smiles

Sophia turns to Probie.duck

"That was a good tackle. I was thinking of how you can tackle me to the bed, and how well you 'tackle' in bed" Sophia says, before kissing Probie.duck

Wendy and Mandy look at the whole room making out

"What the hell" they say, smiling at each other and start kissing each other

Then they stop kissing for a few minutes to send Grissom to Ecklie's office in a cardboard box

* * *

_**A day later:**_

No one has left the room as they were too busy making out

"GRISSOM IS DEAD!" Hodges comes running into the room

"Oh well. I won't miss him" Sara says

"Nor will I" Catherine says

"Yeah, what they said" Sophia says, too

Wendy and Mandy just shrugs their shoulders

"But! He was my lover!! We were lovers! I loved him!!" Hodges cries

"Go elsewhere and cry over him. You're ruining the moon" chimp1984 says, dismissing Hodges

"Oh woe, my lover is dead… goodbye my lover, I will always love you" Hodges cries as he walks out of the room

Then Brass walks in

"Where's Grissom?"

All eyes go wide, and trying to think up a lie to tell Brass

"He's at a…" Catherine says

"Seven year…" Sara says

"No, on-going…" Sophia chimes in

"BUG CONVENTION!" Probie.duck, iluvdarts and chimp1984 say simultaneously

"Grissom and his stupid bugs…" Brass mutters as he walks away

* * *

**_Ok, I hope it made you guys laugh... I was trying to make it funny and yet somewhat cheesy to make everybody laugh, too. I hope it did! Thanks for reading!! _**


End file.
